Living and Learning

Engagement fun...

2010-03-01T14:16:00.000-08:00

Yesterday Tiana and I had our engagement shoot with our photographers. It was a lot of fun and we can't wait to see all the cool pictures they took.

We took the pictures in Carlsbad. We found a little residential neighborhood park with some nice greenery. Then took most of our pictures downtown. Sunday afternoon all the shops were closed which turned out perfect as we walked around and used the different colors and textures for some awesome shots. We finished up at the beach where we took some great pictures in a cool field then got nice and wet as we battled the high tide at the beach.

At the end we felt drained but it was a fun experience and I am sure we will treasure the pictures for a long time. Jacob Willis and his fiance Christin did a great job; we felt comfortable and like we could just be ourselves. I can't wait to marry Tiana. Days like yesterday get me more excited about our future together.

On a side note: I have realized that this blog is very lacking in pictures. I am going to try to improve on that in an attempt to make it more aesthetically pleasing for people to read my posts.

P90X...

2010-02-25T10:08:00.001-08:00

I was sick last week so I missed a couple days in a row, and I've come to realize it is going to be very tough for me to factor six workouts into my schedule each week. I am going to do what I can to stay on top of things.

So far I have come to a couple conclusions about P90X. First of all, it is very hard, so no wonder it works so well. I would be amazed if you could find someone who could complete all of the workouts well the first time through. Maybe personal trainers or people like that. But the workouts cover so many different moves, that the average person who is just a really good athlete and in good shape will struggle somewhere.

Even with missing some workouts I still am feeling the positive affects of these workouts. I feel stronger, and more under control when I play basketball. The area I have been failing in has been eating well. I don't have the nutrition guide so I have not been trying to follow that, but I usually can do pretty well with trying to eat healthy and stay away from junk food. Junk food hasn't been a huge issue, but eating well definitely has. I need to get on top of that if I want to burn more fat and get into the athletic shape I desire (so I can dunk on some fools!).

I am trying to get back on track and hope my next P90x update will be about how I'm dominating it.

Tiger: My behavior will be my apology

2010-02-19T08:47:00.000-08:00

Today Tiger made a statement to the world for the first time since his life unravelled after a small single car accident outside his home where he ran into a tree. After that rumors and women came out of the woodworks with stories of what Tiger had done, and what what going on in the marriage between Elin and Tiger. Tiger did little to respond to these accusations until today. Previously on his website he released a statement that admitted his infidelity, and that he would be taking a break from golf.

Today he finally appeared and made a live statement this morning and you can watch the replay here. As a huge Tiger fan the statement brought up some interesting issues that I would like to talk about. But first I would like to talk about Tiger's image before this whole mess happened.

Tiger has always been the most hard working, determined, focussed, fearless golfer in the world, he has also been the most private. He took over the world of golf, became a billionaire as companies latched on to his fame and dominance. But his personal life has always been a mystery to the public. As the top icon in the sports world, fans naturally filled in the gaps by painting Tiger as the perfect person. In many ways, I did the same thing. One thing (almost) everyone knew was that Tiger had a temper. On the golf course he would throw clubs and curse after bad shots, perhaps showing the not so perfect side of Tiger. TV stations have the six second delay for a reason! Some columnists would call Tiger out on these things, that he needed to be a better role model. But many just dismissed it because of the way he was able to refocus after his outbursts.

Tiger's statement today was necessary but it taught me many things. Here are a few quotes from his statement if you haven't listened yet.

"I am deeply sorry for my irresponsible and selfish behavior I have engaged in. "

"I have bitterly dissapointed all of you."

"I knew my actions were wrong, but I convinced myself that normal rules did not apply... I thought only about myself."

"I had worked hard my entire life and thought that I deserved to enjoy all the tempations around me."

"I need to make my behavior on the golf course more respectful."

As fans we are are partially at fault for the magnitude of Tiger's fall. We have made an idol out of Tiger, and that idol has proven very, very false. We are taught not to put our trust in man, because man will always fail us. Man has failed us again, but I know for me this statement points me to God who is eternal, faithful, and will never fail me.

I really want to point out the quote where he said that he convinced himself that normal rules did not apply to him. I strongly believe that no matter who you are, you tell youself the same lie all the time. I know all the rules I am supposed to abide by in my life, but I don't follow them all the time. Some of them I break daily, because somewhere inside me I have believed the lie that the normal rules don't apply to me... that they are just for everyone else. As a Christian it is so easy to have an intellectual understanding of the Gospel, but then not listen to what scriptures call me to because the normal rules don't apply to me... because I am already a "good" person. This is a lie that plagues everyone, and is a lie that Satan feeds us over and over again until we buy into it.

Tiger admitted that he felt "entitled" to the temptations around him because he had worked so hard in his life. I believe that we are all sinner's and all we are entitled to (by our own merit), is eternal death. It is only through the loving grace of God that we are offered the free gift of salvation and atonement through Jesus Christ.

Tiger is now taking time away from golf to try to fix his addiction. Fix his marriage. Fix his behavior when he returns to the golf course. Tiger is trying to change, and that is the most encouraging thing to me. When we sin against God, or desire to mature in our relationship with God, the only real reponse should be a change in our behavior and/or our attitudes. We should tell God the same thing Tiger told everyone today... "My behavior will be my apology".

The Price is Right (Wrong... [expletive])

2010-02-18T11:30:00.000-08:00

If you don't understand the part of the title that is in parentheses then go watch Happy Gilmore, or just youtube the Happy Gilmore vs. Bob Barker fight.

I grew up watching this show. Bob Barker is a legend and a fantasy of senior women everywhere. As a young child I would watch the show and I didn't understand very much about how much items actually cost. But what I did understand were the strategic mistakes being made every day by the people on contestants row. It blew my mind that these people were just blowing their chances at winning.

Examples:

If someone has just bid 700, you DO NOT want to bid barely below them, say 650 or 675. Because this gives you such a small range to make you the winner.

If you are not last to act DO NOT bid one dollar, or one dollar over a previous bid. You are setting yourself up for the last person to bid one dollar over you and closing you out to only winning if you have the exact retail price.

Bidding last is the most powerful position because you get to make your bid based on what everyone else already did. When you are the final bidder, there is a maximum of ONLY 4 acceptable bids. (1) One dollar above the first bidder (2) One dollar above the second bidder (3) One dollar above the third bidder and (4) One dollar (unless not possible because someone else already bid one dollar, in which case they are a moron and you may have already bid 2 dollars).

Bidding anything other than those amounts as the last to act is hurting your chances at winning UNLESS you just happen to know the EXACT retail price of the item and want the bonus ($500)... but really, don't try to be a hero.

I could give many other examples of how people screw up in TPIR but it would take way too long to write them all out. The point is, growing up I always wanted to be on the show because I knew I would at least play it strategically right if given the chance.

Fast Forward to today...

Today is my 23rd birthday. I woke up and turned on the TV and found The Price is Right on (yes this means I slept in quite a bit, but it's my bday and I am still sick). Two years ago on my bday I went with a group of college friends to a filming of TPIR.

I knew because it was my bday I had a much better chance of getting on the show than on any other day. We watched the show and eight names went by that were not "Robert Tebelman..." But the 9th and final name came and it was me!! "Robert Tebelman, come on down! You're the next contestant on The Price is Right". I run down and quickly think, well this is not the best situation, I get one shot at this AND I have to bid first.

One of TPIR girls brings out a gold/diamond ring, and for some reason the price that comes into my head is that it's probably about $2,000. I am first up, and I think through it for a second, then remember what I was telling people before the show that if I got up I was going to bid in odd numbers. So I blurt out "$1999". The next guy thinks forever (just wanting camera time I'm sure) and bids something super high like $3400. I think... well that's good for me. The next guy without hesitation bids $2000. TIME OUT...

Did this guy not read my rules for proper bidding? He is not the last person to bid, so why is he overbidding me by $1? If the last person is smart then she will just bid $2001. So basically he is just hoping that she does not know proper strategy.

TIME IN... I honestly don't remember what the final person bid because I was super bummed by the third player's bid. But what I do remember is that she did not overbid any of our bids by one dollar, so she didn't know what she was doing. After that bid goes in, a bell rings... and everyone knows what that means! Someone has bid the exact retail price (I think... that means I still have a chance!). Drew then informs us... exact retail price... $2000. So I got hosed! I should have just went with $2000 from the beginning, but if hombre would have followed normal bidding strategy then he wouldn't have bid $2000 and I still would have won.

My chance is over. I had been dreaming my whole life of being on the show, because I could show people how it's done... and just like that it's over. I'm not actually that bummed about it, but I am super competitive so I hate losing in any arena. Also after appearing on the show you have to wait 10 years before you can be on the show again... bummer.

So today when I turned on the TV and saw TPIR on. The first thing I saw was some item up for bid...
First person bids 700.
Second person bids 650 (not so smart, either bid further below 700 to give yourself more room, but somewhere above 700).
Third person bids 1000 (Pretty good bid, if they big too close to 700, then it is easy for the last person to just overbid them by one. In this case the last person has to seriously consider bidding either $1, $701, or $1001).
Last person bids 1100 (Wait, WTF!? exuse my letters... you have the last position and you bid 100 over the highest bid? you obviously don't deserve to win!)

Actual retail price $1016... justice is served. The person who made the best bid with what was in front of them won. The last person did not deserve to win after that strategic mishap.

I saw this and shook my head... I realized that people will continue to screw this up as long as they have the chance to.

Meanwhile, I'm serving my time... two years down... see you in eight years!

Community

2010-02-17T14:04:00.000-08:00

There is one thing I know about myself for sure: I am an introvert. If given the opportunity to keep to myself I will do it. On a Friday night I have never been the kind of person to call up friends and organize an outing. However, I do enjoy it when friends calls me up and invite me to hang out.

Most nights I spend at home by myself/with my family, which is fine. The rest of the nights I am either at church or hanging out with Tiana. But I have realized that I don't spend very much time hanging out with groups of friends like I did in college/high school.

Friday night I went over a friend's house to celebrate a birthday. We played games, ate food, and just spent time talking. I had a great time catching up with some people I hadn't seen for a while. Saturday night I hung out with a group of guys from high school at my friend's apartment down in SD. We played an old card game that we used to play in middle school (Magic the Gathering), watched olympics, and played the Wii. Once again I had a really good time.

While I enjoy my alone time, I think I need more community in my life. After all God made us to live in community. Now that I am out of school I am going to have to be very intentional to make that happen.

Computerized Exams

2010-02-12T15:48:00.000-08:00

With all the technology out there now, computerized exams are becoming more and more popular. I mean, scantrons are soooo last millenium. My actuarial exams were both computerized. The disturbing part about them is that right when you complete the exam you get the results. Twice on the actuarial exams I finished and had to read the screen that says "Unfortunately...". After going through the grueling 3 hours of the exam, the last thing I wanted was to hear that I failed. I would much rather wait a week, or AT LEAST a day to get the results.

I think having that time allows for a certain disconnect between the results, as well as mental recovery. Maybe it is just that growing up in school you get used to taking an exam and getting the results a week+ later. When the results come right away, it messes with you. I think it speaks mostly to the vulnerable emotional state you are in after a long draining test. The results hit you harder than they would otherwise. Both actuarial exams that I failed really bummed me out for the rest of those days.

Today I took an 80 questions multiple choice computerized exam at the Nuclear Power Plant in San Onofre. This was the seconds exam in their application process. It covered fluid dynamics and thermo dynamics along with some other basic concepts. Fortunately, this exam was MUCH easier than the actuarial exams, although some of the questions were still quite challenging (which says alot about the difficulty of the actuarial exams). I finished, pressed submit, waiting for about 10 seconds then got the screen that says "Congratualtions...". WOW, that's a new experience, I finally passed an exam. Even though I passed I was still in a very drained state of mind.

Good news: Now I get an interview in April for the job opening at the power plant. The job is a little bit crazy, but would be very nice to get.

Back to my critique of computerized exams. Now that I have experience passing one I think I can officially say that I do NOT like getting my results right after submitting the test. Pass or fail I am too mentally and emotionally fatigued to properly cope/celebrate the results. Notify me 24 hours later and I will be a happy camper :).

Physics

2010-02-11T08:17:00.000-08:00

Tomorrow I am taking a physics exam at the nuclear power plant. If I pass it will get me an interview for the ANPEO opening. The exam is all fluid and thermo dynamics. I have been studying and it seems to make sense but I still don't fully know what to expect. I hadn't studied this kind of physics since 11th grade but fortunately the concepts are not super complicated. I think it would be funny if after all I went through in college I ended up with a job using physics (I started at PLNU as a physics major).

One of the big issues I have been having lately is giving up control. It may be the most challenging part of my faith (and I like to believe I am not alone on this one). I like to know where I'm going and have some sort of control over it. Since graduation my life has felt a lot like I don't have control; I don't know where I am going or what I am doing. I know all the right things to say... "I trust that God is going to lead my path", etc. But to actually believe them in my heart is a whole different challenge. I would like to do well on this exam, get an interview, and get the job. If I was in control, that is how it would go down. I need to learn to get on board with God's plan BEFORE I see what it is. God has a pretty good track record, so I don't really know why it is hard to do, but it is...

Coaching: In Over My Head

2010-02-06T21:03:00.001-08:00

This winter I took up the task of coaching a rec league basketball team. I have always wanted to do it, and now that I am graduated I finally get the chance to. My uncle has a ton of coaching experience, he has been my assistant coach and I have learned a ton about coaching from him. It is a boys team full of high school aged kids. As a coach I have had my eyes opened in a ton of ways.

First of all I have gotten reassurance over my decision to not pursue being a high school teacher. These kids have short attention spans, attitudes, and don't like to listen. I deal with 8 kids for a couple hours a week and it seems to drive me crazy. I can't imagine dealing with them every day. For whatever reason many of them don't have much of a desire to improve. It is as if they think I make up all the stuff I tell them to do to improve their game. They think if they keep doing all the things they have always done, they will be effective. Our four straight losses sure opened their eyes.

Some of the kids are coachable, but for their age I have been amazed by how bad their fundamentals are. I was fortunate to be well coached growing up so these things are just natural for me, but the majority of our practice time has been spent on things that I thought everyone would be good at by the time they reached high school (but I guess there is a good reason these kids are playing rec ball and not on a school team).

The real problem is that we won our first two games. Which gave our kids a false sense of security. Four blowout losses later I think they are finally getting it. Trying to dribble through triple teams and throwing up off balance shots is not working. Today we played a team that beat us by 30+ in our first meeting. Today we played them tough the whole game. We limited the stupid turnovers and the kids actually worked well as a team. In the end we lost by four, but the kids gave the best effort I've seen all season, and they finally seemed to be listening to the things we've been preaching the last two months.

The best moment in my opinion was with about 30 seconds left we were down by four points. One of our players got the ball on the wing just beyond the three-point line. This player is a player who loves to shoot, he loves to play 1-on-4. My uncle nick named him the "black hole" because once you pass him the ball you don't get it back because he will find a way to put up a shot. But this time when he got the ball I was actually happy to see that he was wide open for a three. It was a good look for him, and a 3 would have been huge at that point in the game. Right when he was about to pull the trigger he made a bounce pass to a guy wide open in the low post. The one time I would have been happy with him shooting, he decided to pass! That post player made a good drop step but blew the wide open layup. Regardless, it showed me that some of the players were learning to play as a team.

A week ago I thought there was no way I would coach again next year. The kids just weren't coming around and watching them do everything wrong just made me want to get out there and play because I knew I could do it better. But Friday we had our best practice of the year, and today our best game. Maybe I am actually helping these kids learn how to work as a team and have fun regardless of the outcome.

I am sure God is teaching me something profound through this, but I haven't figured it out yet. Just pray that I can have a positive impact in these kids lives as I continue to teach them the importance of working as a team.

Discipline

2010-02-05T09:10:00.000-08:00

I have never been one to use a day planner. I have tried several times. At the beginning of one school year Tiana bought be a planner, and I successfully used it for 2 weeks. The next year she bought me one again; this time I lasted 2 months. Senior year she didn't bother to buy me one.

I have always been the kind of person that generally knows the "good" things I should do in a day, and so I try to do them. I know I should spend time with God, workout, spend time with other people, and work on things for my future. Depending on my focus or mental toughness throughout the day, how many of those things actually get done varies. Some days I am easily distracted by the silliest things and if something can wait, then it probably will. I do the things that appeal to me and procrastinate on the rest. In college I would be hard pressed to say I had great discipline in my life. However, since graduation the importance of discipline has been the biggest lesson I have learned.

I am far from where I would like to be but I am making strides. I have a planner that I don't use that well, but I do use it. The biggest thing I have been trying to do it plan out my days. Whether it be in the morning or the day before, I think through my day and all the things I would like to accomplish. Then think about when I would do these things. I have not become so brilliant as to write them down each day, but I think that would be a good next step. But I have realized that if I want to spend time with God each day, take care of my body by working out, and do everything else (my life doesn't look like it will get any less busy), then I need to be organized and disciplined. Both of those are not words I would use to describe myself... but someday I would like them to. Also Tiana is one of the most organized and disciplined peers I know, so once I marry her I will have to change. And even if I don't want to, I don't think I will have a choice. But that's okay, because I love her.

Jobs (or lack there of)

2010-02-03T09:28:00.000-08:00

At the end of December I stopped working as the college intern at church. It was a tough decision but after a lot of prayer and wise council I decided that full-time ministry was not my calling. Instead I believe God wants to use me as a volunteer while I use my gifts in the work force.

All of January I was looking for a job, something where I could use my math degree and analytical skills. Unfortunately after many applications and resumes sent out I had pretty much no response. The jobs varied, I even applied to several data entry jobs thinking "surely I can get a job where I sit at a computer and type all day" (which is actually a bit appealing to me). But still no calls back.

Only two things have given me some hope. The first is that I am starting to work part time as a rep for a financial services company. This is far from my dream job, but I will learn a lot about insurance and financial services. It is on commission which I don't like too much, but since nothing else is happening it will give me something to do. The other bright light is a job I applied for at the nuclear power plant. It is a long application process where I have to take two tests and interview and the job doesn't start until April. But the job is all about the application of physics concepts which I have always liked.

I am still searching for other jobs but I am hoping this one works out. I took the first test for it on Friday and passed (aptitude test), but now need to put a lot of time into studying for the next exam on Feb 12th. We'll see what happens, I know God is in control, but it is tough to keep that mindset because I am the kind of person who likes to be in control. Prayers are appreciated!

292...

2010-02-02T07:53:00.000-08:00

...days until I marry my best friend. I can't wait (well I guess I can and will, but I don't want to). Tiana's Spring semester is getting going, and I am remembering just how busy she was last semester. The amount of reading/assigments she has to do is crazy and it literally seems like she is always either working on HW or talking about the work she needs to do. More and more I have found myself with more things to do each day. This does not allow for very much time for us to hang out.

The important thing is quality time together. Sometimes we will see eachother at church, or she will come to my basketball game, but that is far from the quality time we desire. I can't wait for the day when we are married, have our own place, and even if we both have a bunch of work to do, at least we will be together. At least I will be able to lean over, scratch her back, kiss her on the cheek, and tell her I love her. There is something special about being in the same room together even if we each are doing our own thing. Too many days we talk on the phone and figure out that we have too much stuff to do and won't be able to see eachother that day. I can't wait to be married so that will change.

P90x Day 1

2010-02-01T21:44:00.000-08:00

Today I started P90x. It's a 90 day workout program that has a bunch of different workout DVDs that you do at home. The first one was chest/back and it wrecked me today. It was mostly a bunch of sets of different pushups and pullups. Pullups are depressing for me because I have always been terrible. All of my last sets of pullups were just one pullup and then I would hang there for a while. Also the "Ab Ripper" workout to finish off was extremely challenging.

Nonetheless I am looking forward to doing all the different types of workouts. Tomorrow is Plyometrics which I am excited about because a big goal I have is to be able dunk a basketball. It would be really cool so that I can tell my grandkids that I used to be able to dunk when I was younger. Currently I can barely touch the rim so I have a lot of work to do! These workouts are a big shock to my system but I hope I get a little bit accustomed to the intesity of them after a week or two.

It's about time I get myself back in good shape, and I am excited that I have a workout plan that will help me work all the different parts of my body.

James is Back

2010-01-30T18:21:00.000-08:00

First of all, I have completely abandoned blogging for a while. I apologize. However, I am going to try to get back into it. But I am going to do everything in my power to keep each post fairly short and limited to one (max 2) topics at a time. The hope is that I will make more short posts on a frequent basis to the point that it will become a habit. With that said... let's get to it!

A decent amount has changed over the last couple of months. I am no longer the college-ministry intern at New Song. The decision was tough, but I have really good peace about it. That has left me looking everywhere for a job the last month, with little to no success. More details about my job situation in future posts. Very exciting things have been going on at New Song and around the country with To Save a Life hitting theatres. We continue to pray that it will change lives and eternities.

I have found myself getting more and more disciplined in my life which is weird and very important. Last few weeks I have spent mcuh time studying which is weird because I didn't even study this much when I was in college! I am about to start the P90x workout program on Monday (which I am sure will cause me much pain). I am excited about it because it's about time I got back into solid shape. Lastly but certainly not least Tiana and I's wedding plans are coming along nicely. Mostly because my beautiful fiance and her mother have been working very hard while I try to do what I can to help. I can't wait to marry that wonderful woman (but I guess I have to).

That's all for now, I hope everyone is having a blessed weekend.

Life

2009-11-24T21:38:00.000-08:00

I did not pass my probability exam on Saturday. Which is a bummer. My pride/ego are bruised, but I am hanging in there. Still trying to figure out what to do with my life, but nonetheless God has been faithful to me. I am not sure when I will take the probability exam again, but I know that I do not want to take it unless I am certain I will pass it. As I went through the test I felt way better than I did the previous time and was very optimistic when I submitted it. However, the result was the same... now I get to wait eight weeks to see how close I came to passing.

In other news, Thanksgiving was great. It is always fun to eat, hang out, and play games with family. I did a little bit of shopping on Black Friday, where I got a sweet deal on some dress shirts/ties, and some new jeans. I was going to buy a Garmin, but they ran out, and I guess I don't really need one terribly badly because Tiana owns one, which means in a year I will half own one. On that note wedding plans are coming along. We are excited about all the pieces falling into place. Once we get the catering then I think we will have just about all of the big stuff done.

Exciting news... I get to preach at Seven24 tomorrow night, I am working on my talk right now and think the message is an important one for us to get. I will be exploring the question: Why do we serve? I also got a chance to watch The Blindside last night and it was awesome. I think everyone should go see it!

Probability Exam: Part 2

2009-11-19T16:20:00.001-08:00

In September I took the first Actuarial exam, which is on probability... but I did not pass. On Saturday I will be trying for the second time. I definitely feel better about my knowledge of the subject matter, but not that much better about my understanding. I don't feel like I have a good grasp of the concepts (and I have always been a conceptual learner) which is an issue. But I am doing my best to cram through practice problems and practice tests and hopefully I can squeek by with a pass. In some ways I am excited to redeem myself, but my ego/pride will be bruised if I don't pass.

Regardless of whether I pass or fail, I get to spend the whole day with Tiana. She is going to drive me to my test. Afterwards we are going to run over to the Coronado Community Center where our wedding will be EXACTLY one year from Saturday, which is pretty cool. Eventually we will make our way over to Loma for the homecoming game. Should be a pretty sweet day regardless, but it would be super sweet if I pass my exam.

Back to studying... and I'll post later about my results.

Prayer

2009-11-16T09:53:00.000-08:00

The last two weeks have been pretty powerful for the Seven24 community. Two Sunday's ago Jim was teaching out of Acts12 where Peter was sleeping and then miraculously rescued from prison by an angel on the eve of his certain death. Earlier in the passage we learned that the community of believers were praying for Peter. Hebrews 13:3 tells us to remember those who are in prison as though we are in prison. You have to imagine the community was praying fervently for Peter, as if it were themselves who were in prison. That is what the community of faith is all about. Yet so often when we pray it is surface level stuff, and usually for ourselves. If we do pray for others then it is likely pretty weak. It seems like the only times we are moved to our knees is when we are the one's in prison and struggling. Certainly there is nothing wrong with praying passionately when things are going poorly, but where is the praise to God when things are going well, and where is the fervent prayer for those in need around the world? Do we really understand that God cares about each of the nearly 7billion people on this earth as much as he cares about us? I know I can't wrap my mind around that, because all I've ever known is my life. Yet we know that God created EVERY person in His image and as a masterpiece.

So last Sunday we took this passage to heart and the entire Seven24 community broke into groups of 3-5 and prayed for two women in Iran who were in prison for believing in Jesus. The judge told them they would be let go if they just signed a paper renouncing their faith, but they refused. We all got down on our knees and prayed that they God would strengthen them to remain committed to Christ, and ultimately that they would be released from prison. We tried to imagine how we would pray if it were ourselves in prison. After the service several of us went into the prayer room and continued in this spirit of prayer. We continued to lift up these two women, as well as some people in our community who needed healing and restoration. The only prayer we said for ourselves was that God would continue to give us His eyes, and break our hearts for what breaks His.

This Sunday rolled around and Jim got an e-mailing saying that the two women we had prayed for were to be released from prison today (Monday). It was one of those cool moments (and cool doesn't do it justice but I just have a weak vocabulary). We serve a God that is so powerful that things half way around the world can be changed because we surrender ourselves to God's will through prayer. Something amazing happens when we just get ourselves out of the way and let God's power work. In addition to these two women, one of the guys from Seven24 who was in the hospital because of some serious physical and mental concerns was out of the hospital and back at Seven24. The prior week we prayed over and over again that God would restore him, and it looks like he is on that track. God is amazing, and he is waiting to work powerfully if we just submit ourselves and ask the Spirit to move.

I'll close with two final thoughts. One, in the past 9 days I have spent way more time on my knees praying than I have over the rest of my life. I don't think that something magically happens when we get on our knees, but I do think it affects the posture of our hearts. Over the past week+ I feel like I need to be on my knees when I pray, because it helps me to come fully surrendered to God. I have been trying to implement this cool saying that I heard Pastor Hal say in a sermon one time. That every morning your knees should hit the ground before your feet hit the floor. It is a really cool practice, to start the morning off in prayer on your knees even if it's just for a few minutes. But acknowledging that the rest of the day is going to be God's. I challenge you to try this out. Two, me and three other men were praying last night after service and we were lifting eachother up in prayer. One of the guys said that we should be so committed to praying for eachother that nobody has need to pray for themself. This is a cool idea. The early church was all about a community that encouraged and prayed for eachother everyday and that is why it thrived. I am not saying we shouldn't pray for ourselves, because everyone needs one on one time with God where they pray for their own life. But what if we spent most of our time praying for other brother's and sister's in our community, time praying for people being persecuted and thrown in prison half way around the globe, time praying for the people around us who do not know salvation and freedom through Jesus Christ. Maybe it is a crazy idea, but I like it.

Wedding Festivities

2009-11-08T13:57:00.000-08:00

One of my best friends, Bryan, got married on Friday. I had the please of being in his wedding party. It made the week very strange because for three days straight we spent almost all our time together. Wednesday was the bachelor party, thursday was the run through and rehearsal dinner. Friday was the wedding. It was like one long party that was completely draining, but completely amazing at the same time. The group of guys we had together was top notch.

All of this got me really excited because I saw in those three days what a wedding is all about. Both families were on the same page and excited about the uniting of families through the marriage of Bryan and Alyssa. At the rehearsal dinner people got to share stories about Bryan and Alyssa and give them their wishes. It was awesome to see how many lives they have touched. I have always considered Bryan a brother to me and a guy I can talk to anything about. When we were in high school we spent so much time talking a praying together... we learned what it meant to serve God and be leaders. I still remember all the time we would spend praying for our future wives. We didn't know where these women were or who they were, but we would pray that God would keep them safe a build them up strong in Christ. I will always consider Bryan to be one of my brothers and I have seen him grow so much over the years. After everyone was done sharing I went to give him a hug and all the emotions came out. We both started bawling in eachother's arms. I told him how I couldn't be happier for him, and how far we've come together. He told me he couldn't have done it without me. It was one of those moments that I will never forget. I don't know if I've ever been happier for someone than I was for Bryan at that moment and all the way through the rest of the wedding.

It got me thinking about friendships. So often it seems like my closest friends can frustrate me the most because I know them so well and all of their shortcomings. But when we take the time to share our great struggles with other people and work through them together, something special happens. Looking back at all Bryan and I have been through, I know I would not be the man I am today without him, and I am sure he would say the same about me. Part of life is about not trying to do it alone, and letting other people into your life. It can be scary because once they know your deepest secrets and struggles they can tear you down if they choose. But if you are fortunate enough to have great friends like I do, they will do what they can to help you through everything.

The second best moment from the festivities was a few hours before the ceremony. We were all dressed up and the limo had just dropped us off at the venue. We had Bryan and all eight groomsmen together and two of Bryan's BIOLA roomates had prepared some scripture to share with Bryan reminding him of what his duties and responsibilities would be as a husband and a ministry leader. Then we all laid hands on Bryan and prayed for him. Each man prayed over him and his marriage. When we were done a few thoughts went through my mind. One, I wish someone had taken a picture of all of us laying hands on Bryan and lifting everything up to the Lord... because if I was Bryan I would want something like that on my desk in my office. Two, this is what it's all about and this is what I want my wedding to be like. It was clear that Bryan had significantly impacted all eight of our lives, and that we had each played a huge part in his life. I can only hope to have a similar holy moment at my wedding, with my closest friends.

The rest of the day went on, Alyssa was beautiful, the wedding was beautiful. I couldn't be happier for them, and it was an honor to be a part of it. I spend three days with an amazing group of guys, and have never been more excited about my wedding day with Tiana in a little over a year.

Life update

2009-11-05T11:12:00.000-08:00

I have been completely dreadful at making posts but here is a speedy recap:

I have my probability exam in 2.5 weeks. I have been studying but there is still a TON more studying to do for that.

Part time job at church working with the college-age ministry has been going well but it has been super draining. I got to preach one night, and that was cool to see God work through me. Still trying to figure out if ministry is what I want to do with my life, or get into a math-related field.

Tiana and I have been taking a pre-marriage class which has been awesome. Wedding plans are coming slowly because we are so busy but luckily we have plenty of time. I can't wait to call her my wife, and I am sure the next year leading up to our wedding is going to fly by.

Tomorrow one of my best friends, Bryan, is getting married. I am super excited for him and his fiance. Certainly being at their wedding will really make me want to get married (just like being at Alana's wedding made me want to get married).

Alot of other stuff has happened like me trying to get into a good workout plan and struggling with trying to eat healthy. Ups and downs on the golf course (my scores keep ranging between 74-82) and trying to get better at tennis. All while trying to seek after God who is incomprehensibly good and has blessed me far beyond what I deserve.

Wedding date!

2009-10-19T16:49:00.001-07:00

After looking into a ton of places Tiana and I (honestly it was mostly Tiana and her mother) finally found a venue and a date for our wedding. We were originally looking into making something work in July. But scheduling was tough and the place we liked the most was completely booked.
In the end we decided on November 21st, 2010 (the Sunday before Thanksgiving) at the Coronado Community Center. The ceremony and reception will be right next to eachother and are both right next to the water. We are very excited to have the venue figured out which means we now get to make the other million decisions pertaining to the wedding.

This website has some cool pictures of a reception held at the community center. The first half of the pictures or so are of ceremony at a different site, but if you scroll down you can see the community center.
http://jbaumanphoto.blogspot.com/2009/09/amy-and-ed-september-5-2009.html

Wore out!

2009-10-10T13:33:00.000-07:00

I will preface this by saying that I have always been a pretty good athlete and above average at all sports. I was never the stand out, superbly gifted player, but I was always smart and knew how to use the skills I had.
With that said, I played football today and felt like I got totally dominated. I have been working fairly hard at getting back in shape, but I was very outsized today. On top of that I have never had any formal football training, just stuff I've learned from playing catch and watching tv. Today I learned that I absolutely don't know how to tackle people. Sure these guys were bigger than me, but I see small guys tackle big guys every Sunday because they know what they are doing... I did not. On defense I felt like a liability.
On offense for half the game I was playing O-line which is tough when you are smaller than everyone. I felt like I did pretty good, all things considered. As a reciever I seemed to do my best. I could get open but once I got the ball I wasn't going to break many tackles, because like tackling, I don't know how to do that either. I somehow managed to get two touchdowns and some nice receptions. Regardless, I felt very humbled today.
It was a fun time out there, but I am so wore out. Time for some recovery, and getting ready for a big Sunday tomorrow. I get to team-teach at Seven24 (the young adult service) and I think it is going to be a cool night. I need some more preparation, and still need to make some more phone calls (the part of my job I like the least), but it should be an awesome weekend!

Ministry Thought

2009-10-06T22:08:00.001-07:00

I was driving home tonight from Tiana's house and I started thinking about the rest of my week for work. I began to think about the people I am scheduled to meet with, and the people I still need to call to potentially meet with. One of the things about ministry is there are always new people to connect with. My next thought was how hard it is to keep up with so many people. I thought back to people from less than a month ago that I had talked, had encouraging conversations about getting plugged into the college group, but now they have stopped coming.

It is way too easy to get used to moving from person to person, and just forget about the "old" people. Honestly it is easiest to just forget about the people who didn't stick with the group by their own will power and move on to the newer people who are fresh with enthusiasm. After all, ministry is most exciting when you are talking people who are excited about church. But what a sick cycle that can become. As a ministry worker you would most likely feel good about yourself because you are having lots of cool conversations with people who for a week or month say they want to give it up to God and be commited to a community. But at the same time nobody would be sticking with the group except for the very rare people who are so self motivated that they make sure they get involved and serve. There would be little to no growth in the group, and not much depth either.

This is not the way ministry is supposed to be done. We are called to meet people where they are, even when they aren't in the bubbly "I want to turn it all over to Jesus right now" state of mind. When the emotions wear off, and people are actually called to sacrifice part of themselves for Christs sake we need to come alongside them and sacrifice together. When I thought of all the work it would take to actually keep up with the people who are coming off the emotional high from church, I thought of a few things. The first was: That would take me out of my comfort zone. The second was: That would take a lot more time. More phone calls, more meetings, more tough conversations.

As I was driving I realized how selfish I can be. God has put me in a place to help people get connected with an awesome faith community. People's eternal fate, as well as their personal well-being on this planet is at stake, and I have the audacity to be selfish with my time and my comfort. It seems like most of the time in ministry I just like to talk to the people who have accepted Christ and are on fire. My prayer for myself and other people is that we can look at every person and see the potential they have in Christ and the fire waiting to be lit, regardless of the place or emotional disposition they are currently in . Then do something to help that person move toward that potential, even if it takes some personal self-sacrifice for me.

The Path

2009-10-04T23:24:00.000-07:00

Two weeks ago I started this internship at my church (New Song Community Church in Oceanside) with the college-aged ministry. It has gone pretty well so far. It is just part time so I am putting in 20+ hours per week. The first week I had a hard time figuring out what I was supposed to be doing. This last week I felt like I had much more to do and got into more of a groove. Our college group met tonight and it turned out to be a cool night. Each week I meet more and more people, and people are what make ministry worthwhile.

Next week our church is starting a new series called "The Path". The image used on promotional stuff for this series shows an asphalt road with a double yellow line down the center. Lying in the center is a fork (like the eating utensil). It reminds me of the Robert Frost poem "The Road Not Taken". Welcome to my life. Unfortunately I do not think Mr. Frost will help me at all in this situation because within his poem he doesn't seem to know what he's talking about.

I just graduated from PLNU with a degree in math. Once upon a time (senior year of HS, and part of college) I wanted to go into full time ministry as a pastor of some sort. Somewhere along the way life got tough (my dad passed away amongst other things) and all I was trying to do was graduate and for me math was the easiest route. When I was depressed reading books and writing papers didn't appeal to me... but nomatter what, I could always do math. Now as a graduate I stand at a fork in the road. I have set myself up to where I could find a very solid job using my math degree where I would no doubt love my job using my analytical skills.

But hold on, then comes this internship where I get to dive into more ministry (something I didn't do much of in college). Part of this internship is to keep the college group moving forward and growing deeper as a community. The other part of it is for me to figure out what I want to do with my life. The problem is I don't know what I want to do with my life.

It was easier when I had left the ministry idea behind so I could get a good paying job that would help me live a more comfortable life. If I went that route clearly I would still be very involved at church on a volunteer basis. But what if that's not what I am called to do? A mentor of mine told me what someone once told him... "If you are capable of doing full-time ministry, then you would be stupid not to do it." This mentor and other people have told me that I am capable of just that.

Some days I believe them, but some days I don't. I have fears. I know that it would be a much more challenging life. Certainly a job in a math related field would pay a lot more money. I do not claim to be above those kinds of thoughts. At the same time I am worried about letting myself be pushed towards ministry by people I know want me to go that way. Regardless, ministry is much more challenging than math. It stretches me more and calls me to sacrifice my own comfort. There are days when I don't feel like making those phone calls to new people, or striking up awkward conversation with unknown people on Sunday night. Those times make me doubt my ability to do this for a living. But there are always those times when you talk to someone who finally gets it and they thank you for coming along side of them and showing them the light. When you take a step back on Sunday night and look at the loving community and realize that all the tedious work the rest of the week is worth it.

I'm only two weeks into this internship and I have no idea what God has in store for the future. I stand at a fork in the road, and I don't know which path to take. Would I be stupid to not head towards full-time ministry if it is something that God has gifted me to do? Do I have any real reasons to not do it other than my own selfishness?

It is the prayer of my heart that God would reveal these things to me. I would love to have a career using my mathematical mind, and it is obvious that God has gifted me in that way. At the same time how much can I fight God if I am called to something more?

My Best Friend

2009-10-02T22:39:00.000-07:00

I know it's cheesy, but Tiana (my fiance) is my best friend. There is something special about being able to spend the entire day with someone, having no plans, not really doing anything big, and having it feel like the best day ever.

We spent time talking about our "Preparing for Marriage" class, and what our expectations are for marriage. We tried to identify our "love languages"... turns out my top two are touch and quality time (which makes this blog entry make so much sense so far). We went to Jamba Juice for lunch, I read from a few books while Tiana did homework. I fell asleep on the couch while Tiana did more homework, she then fell asleep on the other couch (which would have been awesome if someone came home and saw us both zonked out). We swam in the pool, did some research on wedding venues (we will find the right one I'm sure of it!), at some point had dinner with the fam, and eventually I went home.

What a day!

I left just wishing everyday was like that, quality time with my best friend. A fair amount of the time we weren't even talking. I was reading a book, while she was sitting next to me doing homework. But just knowing that the love of your life is sitting next to you makes it a heavenly experience. God has truly blessed me. I cannot wait to be married so that more days can be just like today was.

On another note, I just started reading Blue Like Jazz by Donald Miller. I heard about this book years ago and can't believe it has taken me this long to read it. Homeboy has some serious story telling skills. I love the way he weaves the experiences from his life into wonderful insights on what it means to be a follower of Christ. His transparency is refreshing. The last chapter I read he wrote about grace and why it is so tough to accept. "I love to give charity, but I don't want to be charity. This is why I have so much trouble with grace." The rest of the chapter helps drive this idea home even more. Maybe it is just me, but I know I struggle with accepting God's charity, the free gift that I can do nothing to earn or deserve. Deep down it's a pride thing and I would just like to believe I can handle it in my own power... but I can't. My readings made me very humbled today, and I think I like it.

And we're back...

2009-09-27T14:57:00.001-07:00

I have been busy/tired/lazy lately so I have not posted. Here is a quick update on what has happened to me since my last post.

Studied a ton for the Probability Exam.

Failed the Probability Exam.

Registered to take it again in November (at that time I will be fully prepared and dominate it).

Cried when Norv Turner made some atrocious calls last Sunday in the Chargers game.

Officially signed my contract to do private math tutoring with Math Mentor San Diego (check out the website... mathmentorsd.com)

Started working at New Song Church as the new College-Age Ministry Intern.

Went to the Youth Specialties conference at the LA convention center to promote the new movie "To Save A Life" coming to theatres in January (if you haven't heard about this movie, check it out... tosavealifemovie.com & tosavealifeleaders.com... we are hoping a ton of youth groups can use this movie in a powerful way)

Sat in a class and listened to Chuck Bomar explain a new way of thinking about College-Aged ministry.

It has been a crazy time, and keeps getting busier. All throughout this time Tiana and I have been checking out wedding venues. We haven't nailed anything down yet, but we hope to figure it out soon. It has been a new challenge, but throughout it we can't help but to be excited about spending our lives together.

I am very excited about becoming more involved in my college ministry, and getting to try some new things while I connect with awesome people. I hope to be more consistent with posting on here and sharing some of my awesome ministry and life experiences.

Probability

2009-09-15T20:33:00.001-07:00

I recently graduated from Point Loma Nazarene University with a degree in math. The good thing about a degree in math is that there are so many different ways you can use a math degree. The bad thing is that you have to pick one.

I have decided to begin a journey down the road to becoming an actuary. Not many people really know what actuaries do even though it is regarded as one of the top occupations to have. The best way I can explain it is that actuaries analyze risk. They take information from the past, to statistically predict what is likely to happen in the future. These calculated predictions lead to good business decisions. In an insurance company the actuaries work helps decide where to set rates depending on the risks involved. In a consulting firm the predictions help a client company make decisions that will help their company be more efficient. It is very math based, which is very good for me. I have always enjoyed solving problems and was intrigued the first time I heard about what actuaries do.

Aside from their normal job duties, actuaries work through a series of exams and that is how they advance in their job. The exams are very challenging and cover a wealth of material. With many of the top companies, they desire that you pass as least the first exam before they will hire you. On Saturday I will be taking the first actuarial exam which is on probability.

Everything would be great except I never got around to taking the probability course in high school. My preparation for the exam has been me working through a study guide. My biggest realization as I've studied is that I do not learn very well out of books. In college I rarely read my textbooks for math courses. Usually paying attention in class and doing the homework (where I would reference the book only when necessary) was plenty to get me buy. I relied strongly on my professors to teach me the material. Working on my own has made all the material blur together in my head. I have read through it all, but I don't have a strong understanding of the specifics and how everything connects together. I still have the rest of the week to prepare and power through as many practice problems as I can so hopefully things begin to make more sense.

Overall I like the probability material but so much of it is tedious and situational. I need to master looking at a problem and knowing which approach to take. Another intimidating thing is hearing about how difficult the exams are. It would be great to pass on the first try and it would certainly help me land a good job quicker.

That's all for today. My week will be completely filled with studying and hopefully after Saturday I can have an awesome story about how I passed the exam! In the future I hope to blog about all of the other stuff going on in my life (internship at church, wedding planning, etc.).

Blog Time!

2009-09-14T11:01:00.001-07:00

Because I like to believe my life is exciting I am going to start a blog. Here I will share about events going on in my life, and thoughts going through my head.

I am at a very transitional time in my life. I just graduated from college and am preparing myself to get a job as an actuary. I also just got engaged to the love of my life. Wedding planning and preparing to transition into married life should keep life interesting!

That is all for now. I hope to blog soon with a more substantial post.